How to Find Out If Your Penis Is a Normal Size

I have been through a world of experiences where I was in positions that all was on display. And a lot of what I worried about depended a lot on my personal self-image at the time. When I was younger I believed that I was quite handsome… a lady killer so to say, and so I did not worry about it when I lived in a nudist colony. When I joined the military, I was nervous about how I would “add up” to the other men I was around. Young men can be quite cruel if you happen to be the odd man out. But I noticed, that all the guys seemed to be rather concerned with this and tended towards a level of… I can’t think of a word, but no one “strutted their stuff” so I figured this was a common concern and left it alone. As I got older and life taught me more about how the world really works, I noticed that in the pecking order of male dominance it was more about perceived masculinity as most guys have almost a homophobic fear of looking at another guy’s penis to see who is actually bigger. When it came to women, it seemed that as long as I “did well” and they were happy then it was all good and it seemed that I wasn’t being compared with other guys, so it didn’t really matter there either.

Long story short… when I hit puberty, sure I had the same concerns that all others guys seem to have. But as my self-image developed and I grew old and wiser I found out that it does not matter as much as I may have thought it did at first. This also helped me to have decent confidence and a more solid self-image. Rather women, or others guys care to admit, guys worry about things that many would publicly admit to being dumb or unimportant. But not having these things sorted in a young man’s life can lead to long term issues and ultimately problems with how they relate to others, of both sexes, and the relationships they build.

I am glad we are having this discussion and hope that some share stories or related events that our younger, and some older members, may read and gain assurances from.

Wescli Wardest wrote: I am glad we are having this discussion and hope that some share stories or related events that our younger, and some older members, may read and gain assurances from.

I'm a fan of kink and bondage.

Miss_Leah wrote: ...We don't go around demanding to see the goods before we get to know a guy.

You bring up an interesting point. I believe Louis C.K. phrased it like this:


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In all seriousness, though, the only time I've ever heard of someone other than the owner of the penis in question putting importance on the size of it is when said person is just looking for a good time and not an actual relationship. Just my 2¢.

Wescli Wardest wrote: I am glad we are having this discussion and hope that some share stories or related events that our younger, and some older members, may read and gain assurances from.

If we're gonna share stories for assurance purposes, here's mine:

I'm a woman who has what I believe is a fairly average level of sexual experience.

...scratch that, I looked it up and apparently, it's higher than average

And I can tell you with all honestly that out of about 15 partners over the course of my 31 years, only two were so big that it was noticeable (9+ inches) and one was so small that it was noticeable (2-ish inches). All the rest, whether they were statistically average or not, were a size that didn't affect the quality of sex so much as overall sexual skill did - size didn't even register as a factor.

The guy who was very small..Now, while he small enough to register as such in my mind, had an enthusiasm and eagerness to please that made the experience great fun. So really, personality trumped size.

And out of the two that were "too big": one just happened to be into SM/dominance and pushing the limits of pain/pleasure - and he was good at it - so it all kind worked in his favour. The other though, was just plain awful. He assumed that size was all he needed and had no concept of sexual finesse or that fact that he needed to make any effort at all to ensure the pleasure of his partner.

So really, in my personal experience (and I did the actual math, lol), 80% of time time, size wasn't a factor at all (skills was); 13% of the time, size was a factor, but skill trumped it; and only 7% of the time, size was an actual handicap (and even then, mostly due to ignorance)

While I can't help you lads when it comes to male "in-fighting" over size, I can certainly tell you that most of the time, we'll judge you on your skills as a lover (which are very easy to learn, btw) and not the size of your penis.

Akkarin wrote:

Wescli Wardest wrote: I am glad we are having this discussion and hope that some share stories or related events that our younger, and some older members, may read and gain assurances from.

I'm a fan of kink and bondage.

Who isn't?

I imagine that one of the reasons it seems to be a concern to “guy” is because sex is such a prevalent part of our society. Whether anyone else has considered it, I can see how the common place of sex has put a sense of “worth” of physical attributes and not so much end product or outcome.

Let me have a sec and I will try to explain from a guy’s possible point of view or thought process. We see sex, or sexy people or are told what is attractive. In fact, we are all bombarded by this all throughout the day. It has been discussed several times in different forums and Medias how photo shopping models and the use of sex for advertising has had a detrimental effect on the development and psyche of young women. This results in unhealthy self-images and practices where young, and some older women, try to achieve unreachable goals of beauty. It also effect young men negatively. We are also taught that value is in physical attributes. Size does matter!?!? Young men tend to be told that large breast are more attractive then smaller ones. In some social groups a large rear is way better than a tiny one, and in others it is reversed to the point you wonder how the woman has the butt muscles to walk. It’s quite ridiculous in my opinion.

So these “guys” are taught what is attractive and of course they talk amongst themselves… and young, uneducated minds are so easily influenced. So they chase after what is supposed to be attractive and in return, try to impress the ones they are pursuing by being that “ideal” guy. And in a twisted way, they figure that if larger breasts are “in demand” then it merits that larger penises would be sought. How many people have gone down the aisle where men’s underwear is sold? Some of those models look like they have two squires fighting in their shorts! To a young, just hitting puberty guy, this can be an impossible dream to aspire to.

And I think one of the things that makes it worse is that we are not comfortable talking about it. So we make jokes… like women should get to see the penis as a prerequisite to dating. I think that for most guys that would be a horrifying experience.

Some guys boast a sense of false bravado in efforts to disguise their insecurities. Which has been what seems to be an effective way of dealing with it instead of talking about it. If one is questioned of his masculinity the other will offer to show it if they want to “know for sure.” Then, either the guy backs down or calls the bluff. If the bluff is called then the other calls him a faggot for wanting to see his junk. Thus securing his place of male dominance. And as a side effect, programming other guys to shun homosexuals and breeding intolerance and prejudice.

It seems to all be a vicious cycle revolving around keeping people from being uncomfortable facing the actual issues… not getting things out in the open and discovering the truth.

And women, no matter what the advertisements say or show, I will be the first to tell you that men are just happy you give us a chance! Small, large, lopsided… we do NOT care. I would venture to guess that 99.9% of straight men are just thrilled when we are at the point in a relationship where we get to see them. Playing with them is a freaking bonus! :ohmy: :woohoo: Sorry, that was kind of crude. But completely true. And no matter what guys tell you, they really have no idea what they’re doing until you teach them. So talk to them. Tell them. Otherwise they will continue to fumble around, clueless, and no one wins then.

Wescli Wardest wrote: And no matter what guys tell you, they really have no idea what they’re doing until you teach them. So talk to them. Tell them. Otherwise they will continue to fumble around, clueless, and no one wins then.

I can't tell you how important this is, but it also goes for women. Communication = you know what each other likes = better sex = infinite pleasure. There's nothing better than a little hand-on experience. Yeah, you'll start out being a noob, but the learning curve (or, "learning curves", if you will *snicker*) is in your favour.

Miss_Leah wrote: While I can't help you lads when it comes to male "in-fighting" over size, I can certainly tell you that most of the time, we'll judge you on your skills as a lover (which are very easy to learn, btw) and not the size of your penis.

The entertainment value of this thread is almost equal to the knowledge value, lol...

Im glad we arent too stiff in our conversations....

Oh, ALSO,

The size of a man's penis when it comes to sex is often completely subjective because women's vaginal canals vary greatly in size/shape as well. And just like penises, the size of the woman does not correlate to the size of her vagina.

Jestor wrote:
The entertainment value of this thread is almost equal to the knowledge value, lol...

Im glad we arent too stiff in our conversations....

well its a hard topic to get a handle on, but so far the community has been up to it

Miss_Leah wrote: Oh, ALSO,

The size of a man's penis when it comes to sex is often completely subjective because women's vaginal canals vary greatly in size/shape as well. And just like penises, the size of the woman does not correlate to the size of her vagina.

i think this is something that men under-appreciate, and that deserves to be repeated

OB1Shinobi wrote:

Jestor wrote:
The entertainment value of this thread is almost equal to the knowledge value, lol...

Im glad we arent too stiff in our conversations....

well its a hard topic to get a handle on, but so far the community has been up to it

I've followed this thread since the Opening Post, read and was grateful for the article (thanks, M ), yet strangely I find that I have very little to say on it. I do indeed feel that we need to be talking about these sorts of topics, for it is just this sort of 'secret shame' that will bubble to the surface in other sorts of unpleasant behaviour, leaving the original shame untended. Your contributions up there have been great, Clint ... thank you for that too.

It isn't merely the size of the penis that men worry over as to how we "compare" to one another. There is also admitting that we have feelings, that we are afraid (maybe often) and that sometimes we feel inadequate (not just in sex). To quote from Brené Brown, PhD. and "shame" researcher, University of Texas, Houston :

Basically, men live under the pressure of one unrelenting message : Do not be perceived as weak.

Whenever my graduate students were going to do interviews with men, I told them to prepare for three things : high school stories, sports metaphors, and the word pussy. If you're thinking that you can't believe I just wrote that, I get it. It's one of my least favorite words. But as a researcher, I know it's important to be honest about what emerged, and that word came up all of the time in the interviews. It didn't matter if the man was eighteen or eighty, if I asked, "What's the shame message?" the answer was "Don't be a pussy."

When I first started writing about my work with men, I used the image of a box--something that looked like a shipping crate--to explain how shame traps men. Like the demands on women to be naturally beautiful, thin, and perfect at everything, especially motherhood, the box has rules that tell men what they should and shouldn't do, and who they're allowed to be. But for men, every rule comes back with the same mandate : "Don't be weak."

Brené Brown, "Daring Greatly", pp. 92-93

I personally grew up under some pretty ridiculous austerity, some of that whip-lash Christian morality that was in response to the sexual liberation of the previous couple of decades. Sex was "dirty", and that was just 'normal' heterosexual sex -- gay sex was just downright disgusting and loathsome ... This is how homosexual men - even once "out" - can still have roaring cases of homophobia, prompting all kinds of self-destructive, self-sabotaging behaviours.

Anyway, I don't want to derail the thread with other topics for other threads. I just want to show a little bit how the "penis size" question does fit into the typical male shame complex. If it weren't, all these fraudulent schemes of how to "add X cms to it" would not be so successful. And apparently they are successful, since they've been around for a long bloody time ...

As it were, franc, open (as much as feels comfortable) conversation and support on these topics is very much within the mission of this church -- and shall be for as long as we are its Pastors. Women and men, women and women, men and men - in any and all combinations - can learn to understand one another better here, and understanding and empathy are the antidote to the shame that is poison to us all.

OB1Shinobi wrote:

Jestor wrote:
The entertainment value of this thread is almost equal to the knowledge value, lol...

Im glad we arent too stiff in our conversations....

well its a hard topic to get a handle on, but so far the community has been up to it

Yeah that's the long and short of it.

men have a tendency to turn everything into a competition...and yes that includes penis size...and so much of the male pride and ego are tied into that one little part of themselves....

when i was in highschool playing football, we had to wear a cup (a protective piece of crotch armor that sits in a jock strap)...those that wore smaller cups were frequently mocked and ridiculed, while those that wore larger ones were viewed as "alphas"...one of my team mates measured his own penis (as most men do at some point) and he was proud of his size, eventually everyone on the team wound up measuring theirs....and a list was made....and posted in a few of the girls bathrooms...can you guess which guys had the most attention from the ladies?...the guys at the upper end of the list...while those towards the lower end were subjected to more ridicule...i'm not going to indicate which end of the list i was at...i'm happy with my body and i've never had any complaints, only compliments...the chart showing average size is nothing new to me as i've seen similar in human sexuality class...

should penis size matter?....yes and no...the average vaginal depth is around 4.5 -5 inches (last time i heard in class) so any penis within that range is ideal for procreation...it is possible to be too large (causing vaginal/uteran damage), or too small (making it more difficult for insemination) as far as procreation goes....as far as pleasure goes, a lot can be said for skill/technique...

the only way to wash away stigmas is through healthy discussion...

Miss_Leah wrote:

Wescli Wardest wrote: And no matter what guys tell you, they really have no idea what they’re doing until you teach them. So talk to them. Tell them. Otherwise they will continue to fumble around, clueless, and no one wins then.

I can't tell you how important this is, but it also goes for women. Communication = you know what each other likes = better sex = infinite pleasure. There's nothing better than a little hand-on experience. Yeah, you'll start out being a noob, but the learning curve (or, "learning curves", if you will *snicker*) is in your favour.

On that note, I'd like to share with you all a resource on pleasure for people who have vaginas and people who have sex with people with vaginas: OMGYes . The website offers a service where you can learn about one of the first researched projects into sexual technique regarding the vulva (note: vulva is the exterior commonly incorrectly referred to as the vagina). The service is not porn, however prospective perusers should be aware that it is explicit (however the front page is not and you can safely browse around. You'll have to click a "Yes I am 18+" button before it takes you to pages where things are NSFW).

*claps hands together* Alright friends, time to get vulnerable and honest with you all.


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Should a Jedi even procreate ?? I believe in the traditional Jedi values, and disagree with luvvy duvvy relationships. Remember,
There is no emotion, there is peace. Those who have a family already, I have no problem, for example I greatly respect Jack.Troutman, he is a great member of the community. But emotions can cloud the Force.

Silas Mercury wrote: There is no emotion, there is peace.

Emotion, yet Peace.

Fair enough point.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA :blink: :silly: :laugh:

deep breath....

bahahahahahaahahahhahahaahhahah


Ok... i think I got that out my system.

Brenna wrote: BAHAHA

For a lot of guys the doodads play large part of their conscious and subconscious experience 24/7, it's not just hanging around unnoticed, its ALIVE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xos2MnVxe-c

:lol: :sick: :S
So IMO its easily viewed in terms of their own self identity and as such if the penis is not up for the job then they feel that they are not up for the job. This will often be irrelevant to what feedback is given, as its the perception of genuine usefulness which will matter to the keen peniseer.

But my point is, no pun intended, if they think they are not... sufficient, then it can undermine the trust in the relationship itself!!! As some men will likely tend to assume women have the same sexual needs as them (since its their only frame of reference), and since its so important to them a lot of the time that perception becomes a serious concern - it can manifest as a serious persistent influence which can erode trust. Or in a workflow;
1. sex is so important to me,
2. so it must be as important to her (even if she denies it),
3. so if she is not satisfied from me she will seek it elsewhere (even if she says she is satisfied).

That assumes he would seek it elsewhere if sex was not sufficient, which is for better or worse seemingly how men are wired at some level, to procreate far and wide as much as possible. While obviously most fella's are above giving into such low level instincts, it still exists as a pernicious influence, however subtle, like a roaming eye for example. Sometimes my subconscious picks out a pretty girl in a room and before I know what I've turned my head 90 degrees and I'm looking right at her who I did not even know was there, even if I'm with my partner!! Not guilty your honor!!!
:whistle:

I tend to think this, and moment to moment genital awareness are both higher in men generally speaking then women, and together really fuel the potential for a complex to develop if let to get... out of hand.

So they assess other males in terms of potential mating/partner threats and get more distracted from the actual things she might be attracted to and instead fuel their same egocentric frame of reference which undermined the trust in the first place.

And so its a body image article I guess - meant to counter the focus on larger sizes in stuff like porn, as the authors associate normal to most, and as such making more people feel more competitive in light of that new media and its prevalence... at the cost of upsetting the guys on the low end and boosting the guys on the upper end. Better then it being taboo I guess.