Embracing the duality

https://youtu.be/Q0oIoR9mLwc
I believe the words in this song perfectly addresses my journey so far. I will post the lyrics below for those that wish to view thrm .. But im speaking In the effect that to gain truthfull bliss in life and walking the life as Jedi you have to understand the duality of dark and light. Some have done darker things then others but the true reason for it is that it is part of pur makeup... our "design."

IE: I am an addict. It was a choice. Yes my brother and two sisters and mother are addicts as well. Essentially... it is part of our design. If not only by psychological means. Examples set by seeing them do such things and so forth... but ultimately its a choice. We choose to make it a dark necessity to do dark things. The real challenge is to is to make it a "neccesity" to go against the grain of our makeup or habit and make the decision to live in the light, and fight the dark.

My being an addict does not make me evil. But it does make me a tremendous shit to spend money on that, instead of putting it away for my kid's college fund. In my sobriety, im truly becomong self aware that I need change what I consider as "necessities" going forward in my life.



lyrics

Coming out to the light of day
We got many moons than a deeper place
So I keep an eye on the shadow's smile
To see what it has to say
You and I both know
Everything must go away
Ah, what do you say?
Spinning off, head is on my heart
It's like a bit of light and a touch of dark
You got sneak attacked from the zodiac
But I see your eyes spark
Keep the breeze and go
Blow by blow and go away
Oh, what do you say?

Yeah, you don't know my mind
You don't know my kind
Dark necessities are part of my design
Tell the world that I'm falling from the sky
Dark necessities are part of my design

Stumble down to the parking lot
You got no time for the afterthought
They're like ice cream for an astronaut
Well that's me looking for weed
Turn the corner and
Find the world and show command
Playing the hand

Yeah, you don't know my mind
You don't know my kind
Dark necessities are part of my design
Tell the world that I'm falling from the sky
Dark necessities are part of my design

Do you want this love of mine?
The darkness helps to sort the shine
Do you want it, do you want it now?
Do you want it overtime?
The darkness helps to sort the shine
Do you want it, do you want it now?

Pick you up like a paperback
With the track record of a maniac
So I'm moving in and we unpack
It's the same as yesterday
Honey where we roll
Everything must go away
Ah, what do you say?

Yeah, you don't know my mind
You don't know my kind
Dark necessities are part of my design
Tell the world that I'm falling from the sky
Dark necessities are part of my design

I'm right there with you, my friend. A couple of bad decisions late last year put me in a situation where I lost a job opportunity after the new year started. While I was already planning on moving, it forced me to accelerate my plans by 6 months. Not only that, but I'm going to have to leave the electrical trade and move into another union - I'm looking at the plumber's union. Two years of training in a skilled trade down the tubes, now I have to start over another 5 year apprenticeship. Sure, I'm gonna wind up making more money, and the benefits will be better - but it feels like I let my family down. Now I'm going to have to work 2 extra years before I've got 40 years in a trade, delaying my retirement unless I am willing to eat those two years.

Now I've got to audible my whole life for the next few months, rely on my tax return instead of a steady check, and disappoint some people who have been very good to me. It really, really sucks - but I'm passed the phase in my life where this would make me want to use. My addiction was mild, and if I hadn't chosen to surround myself with people that use drugs all the time then I would've made better choices. So that was it for me, after I dinged on that last drug test (got turned away for leaving the site) I decided I had to completely cut out those in my life who used.

The Dark Side comes for us all in different ways. Anger, temptation, depression - feelings that draw us into self-destructive behaviors. Our actions are a reaction to a feeling instead of being consciously chosen from a place of peace, and other people wind up paying the price as easily as we do. Mindfulness is the only way out of the trap, and for that we have to really get good at *being* in the moment. Sure, my family on both sides has addiction problems, so I'm wired for it - but that doesn't define me or my choices; it's all about being in control rather than letting a feeling use me.