New Year

Finally having the time to do this! (Actually, I could have yesterday, but I was majorly enthralled with a book I was reading. Been a long time since I read a novel front to back in one day... *coughs* anyway. . . )

I won't say that I'm alone in the trials that I faced last year. I finally regained a sense of community in a place that I hold dear, only to go and lose it again by the end of the year. I made a personal goal at the beginning of summer that became an impossibility two weeks before Christmas, much to my disappointment. The people who need to know what these are, already do.

From the first, I can say at least I gained some valuable, if somewhat painful, insight from an unexpected source. I've already gone and made a decision on what to do with that insight, again something which some know, but others can probably only guess at. It may be that in the end, the decision will not be the right one, but it is what it is and I'll find out in the year to come.

From the second, the only thing that I can do is brush myself off and move on. I'm using that set back though to do something I'm not sure I would normally do... Rather than focusing on others, I'm going to be taking a step that will, ultimately, only benefit me. Some might think this sounds selfish, but the truth of the matter is is that I very rarely take a step that will benefit only me, because I'm always so concerned about how it will affect others. In this particular case, I've decided to apply for a job on campus that will progress my career goals, but if I take it, I will have to drop my other on campus job, which does absolutely nothing towards personal growth. Not only would the new job provide me valuable experience, the pay will be better, and it will count as internship hours, which are necessary for me to graduate.

These are, of course, just a sampling of what last year gave to me and how it affects the upcoming year. Last year also gave to me a number of new friends who I consider family, time with family members who may not have much more time left to give, and my own place once again.

As for my plans for the upcoming year? I'll be completely honest and say that at least for the moment, I don't really have any just yet. I'm still dealing with too many things from last year to plan for this year. Plans will come, but they're not here yet. One step at a time.

Streen wrote: I made some choices that I know were right...

you dont by chance mean to say that you were right to make the choice of trying to "knock Jestor down a few pegs" and demand he resign from his position here at the Temple?

because that choice was way wrong, for so many reasons, and to continue to defend that bad choice is another spit in the face of this whole community, not just Jestor

or maybe you meant the choice of labeling totjo as a cult?
or of passing along volkums various "messages" aka accusations of nefariousness and pedophilia?

cause those were pretty disrespectful choices too, streen

Streen wrote: but sacrificed some friendships as a result. I know that a lot of people couldn't care less about my opinion after doing some of the things I did, saying some of the things I said. I don't blame anyone but myself.

it doesnt sound like you blame yourself

it sounds like you think you did the right thing and it just didnt work out

Streen wrote: This past year has been eye-opening, in good ways and bad.
To put it simply, I'd say the main thing I realized is my place in the world as a Jedi....Having been gone for a few weeks puts things into perspective....

you say things like this every time you do something crappy - then you do some new crappy thing and come back and the cycle starts all over

Streen wrote: I burned a lot of bridges in 2016, but built a few new ones. My hope is that 2017 leads to the repair of some I burned, but holding onto those new ones.

youre not winning back any friends by talking to us as if you werent a total jackass

Streen wrote: The thing is, TOTJO is not a place I frequently agree with, but it is also the most active and interactive Jedi site I know of,

so you want to socialize but you think it was right to disrespect the people that you want to socialize with?

so, apparently you not only dont have enough character to accept how wrong you were, but also dont have enough social intelligence to simply not rub it in our faces, by saying that the things you did were right

Streen wrote: and so coming here feels a bit like coming home.

well streen, you pretty much took a big ole $#!+ right in the middle of the living room, and now youre telling us it was the right thing to do; what kind of home do you think youre making?

Streen wrote: Whatever you think of me, I believe the Force is with all of us, regardless of what our personal views are.

i could say the Force is with isis and jeffrey dahmer and the ku klux klan and the IRS, but just because "the force is with" them, doesnt mean they arent nasty people, who make/made terrible choices and refuse/d to change

btw, you should check out this topic, Returning to the Fold and Accepting the Consequences

thats how a person apologizes with character

Ob1, this is NOT the thread for this. We get it. The whole fricking site gets it. You don't like streen. Fine, whatever.

But for the love of all that is holy, don't turn a thread that is supposed to be about personal reflection into another notch on your belt for this conflict you have with him. It's not appropriate, and it sure as hell isn't needed or wanted.

thank you for wanting to keep the peace Avalonslight, i do respect that desire

i disagree with your conclusion though - you dont mind calling me out for my words, why shouldnt streen be called out for his?

maybe if more people would have called him out from the beginning he would have acted differently?

what did he say, he is "building new bridges"?

like the "bridge" he build with silas?

he still says that what he did was right; you dont think that suggests hes going to try to make more trouble in the future?

how is it NOT the right thing to do to hold him accountable?

--EDIT

if this isnt the time and place, when and where?
why not address him when and where he speaks?
especially when what he has to say is "i was right" ?

Avalonslight is 100% right. Time and place.

This past year has been all about challenge. Leaving our apartment and crashing with family, then other family, before finally nailing down the purchase of our house. My wife has been seeking work (hasn't given up, so I'm proud of her), but supporting a family as sole bread-winner in a new home has been very difficult. I had money put away so that she could stay home with our boy, but that's gone now. I got a new diagnosis or two, and have been working on dealing with more pain than I am used to. My wife is generally healthy. My son is practically carved out of wood. So, I am quite fortunate there.

And I have come to a decision. When my wife finds work and we have medical coverage, when my ducks are in the proverbial row, I am leaving my job. I intend to work parttime and go to school to become MRI tech. I think the work will agree with my temperment.

I work with survivors of severe brain injuries. In the hallway, outside my office, all day, people are screaming. Some of my people do quite well and we consider it a profound victory when we can send a person back out into the world, more or less whole. Many of the people I serve will alwyas require total care for the remainder of their lives. One of the people I serve is dying in the hospital, one lung having collapsed. He is quite young. It wears on you after a while.

I believe in the work I do and I have done good here.

My work involves people who are profoundly vulnerable and helping them to need me less and less everyday. I wade into violent encounter on a regular basis. I have disarmed more than one person with an improvised knife bent on taking a life. I have dodged my share of thrown chairs. I led a very successful meditation group this morning. I have sat with convicted murderes while they cried because they can't understand anything. Later, we will write in our journals about the day. I'm not certain everyone can do what I do. I don't think I can do it anymore.

I've been at this for nine years. I may reach my tenth before I can leave, but leave I must. It has started to take a toll on me and I need a rest. Not a vacation, but time away from the screaming.

I'm not in a place where I hate my job or that I'm phoning it in. Knowing that here is an end in sight helps me be present to the needs of the people I serve, if that makes sense.

Whenever I took a new job in the past, my Father would look at me and ask, "Do you believe this is the highest good that you can render?" It's a lot of pressure, but I believe he is right. He doesn't just mean the nature of my work, but of how I live holistically. I am not saying that I am done doing good. But there is more than one way to do good and I am going to go explore some of them. I look forward to finding a new good to render. In the meantime, I am deeply tired.

dude has stated that his behavior was "the right things to do"

you guys wanna let him slip that in there and stamp in platinum for the new year because you think "OP" then you go right ahead

i said what i had to say

As for my upcoming year; well, obviously i need to get better at "who cares dude its just the internet" lol

OB1Shinobi wrote: dude has stated that his behavior was "the right things to do"

you guys wanna let him slip that in there and stamp in platinum for the new year because you think "OP" then you go right ahead

i said what i had to say

As for my upcoming year; well, obviously i need to get better at "who cares dude its just the internet" lol

I say never change who you are, especially for others. Always call out hypocrisy when you see it. Sometimes this place drips nicety to the point of suffocation. Just today i was called out for "being to harsh" on one of our initiates when he had confused real life with a movie. Im sorry but ill call it as i see it. Life demands this. Growth is achieved through pain and strife, not bending over backwards so the SJW and the PCW can step on your neck once again.

My new years path into the future is to always keep that high standard and never compromise who i am or my standing in the face of those adversities.

Thank you for derailing my positive thread. I don't care who you call out. Don't do it here.

Why not here and now? Because it's disrespectful to me and the other people that are more interested in building ourselves than tearing down others. You want to do that? Do it on your own time. Not ours.

Gwinn wrote: Thank you for derailing my positive thread. I don't care who you call out. Don't do it here.

I consider my post a positive input. Are you saying you get to dictate to me what i am to consider positive or not? Sorry, next time i will submit my post to the mind police for evaluation. Can you send the email addy for this?

This was my thread. I asked for certain input. Everybody else seemed to get it.