Mortose: Public Journal

Carlos.Martinez3 wrote: If I may :
In A New Hope : Vader was told “Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped you conjure up the stolen data tapes, [begins to sound strained] or given you clairvoyance enough to find the Rebels' hidden fort— [grasps his throat as if he is being choked]... “
Regardless of which label we put on it - some days people will see Jeddist before they see dark grey or light. “By our fruit ... “can be a very good home to return to. With any idea choice and even way ... its the actions that speak louder than mere words . What do you think people said about Vader while he recovered or played puppet for Palpatine ? He’s a Jedi ....

That’s interesting, considering Vader was Sith. However, I suppose only Jedi would catch that. To others, he was a Jedi and the result of his actions. Those actions weren’t all evil to regular citizens either, since plenty of people joined the Empire.

So, just what are you saying here?

Il’l say this. I was evil, admittedly so. I saw power in that and ran with it, seeking things I could do and be to further that course. I saw it as power and liberation, though it turned into slavery due to religion.

Soon, I began seeking the image of evil for its own sake, lost in delusional thinking, spawned by my occult work.

I spent a year recovering from what I got myself into, and had an interesting time doing so. Now, I don’t hold too many convictions on evil, since I see it as necessary in the world, just as good. These of course are just words. There is plenty of meaning to them but it’s different for each, mostly.

I don’t advocate evil but I don’t condemn it either, unless it’s a personal matter or law breaking is involved. That’s my stance and it’s rather open, honestly. I think it’s a result of having went so far into evil (I called it darkness at the time), then as far into light as I could manage. My perspective is a reflection of that journey.

But, the question on the minds of most is... will I set out to hurt people for power or image? No, that’s a drug hit I really don’t want to pay for anymore. There is no power in that, and if there is, it’s not power I want anyways.

That brings me here., to myself and what I want. That’s about it. It’s just about me and as I said, I’m sure I’ll help others along the way but it isn’t my focus. I want for me, not anyone else, not anything else. I’m selfish and that’s something I accept about myself.

Do you accept that? Am I allowed to stay here? Is it even practical?

Mortose wrote: But, the question on the minds of most is... will I set out to hurt people for power or image? No, that’s a drug hit I really don’t want to pay for anymore. There is no power in that, and if there is, it’s not power I want anyways.

The pendulum has swung, and where you used darkness as a crutch to escape yourself, and then attempted to escape yourself by swinging wildly the other way, into the born-again Christian light-ness, you are now starting to see things with no label. You will find that as you continue to do so, it is yourself that you will see more clearly, and as a result develop tremendous power.

Mortose wrote: That brings me here., to myself and what I want. That’s about it. It’s just about me and as I said, I’m sure I’ll help others along the way but it isn’t my focus. I want for me, not anyone else, not anything else. I’m selfish and that’s something I accept about myself.

Do you accept that? Am I allowed to stay here? Is it even practical?

You continue to hang on to labels. You are using "selfish" as a taboo word, when you really mean "self-interest". Try that last one on for size, it is neutral, and will result in less cognitive dissonance. There is no sin in being self-interested (I would propose it is a sin to not be self-interested enough!). Self-interest devolves into selfishness (the destructive kind your language implies) when you fail to acknowledge the ripple of cause and effect attached to your actions. Mindful self-interest, needs to be empathic (and at least somewhat considerate of others) in order to be sustainable.

You'll do fine here. As you continue to explore yourself, we will all benefit from the account, so carry on, oh playful one.

Then I respectfully request that I be able to rid myself of this account and create another here. Feel free to delete or deactivate this one. If this isn’t possible, perhaps I can at least change my name here? I am not Mortose anymore and I’m utterly done with the trappings of this name.

Manu wrote:

Mortose wrote: But, the question on the minds of most is... will I set out to hurt people for power or image? No, that’s a drug hit I really don’t want to pay for anymore. There is no power in that, and if there is, it’s not power I want anyways.

The pendulum has swung, and where you used darkness as a crutch to escape yourself, and then attempted to escape yourself by swinging wildly the other way, into the born-again Christian light-ness, you are now starting to see things with no label. You will find that as you continue to do so, it is yourself that you will see more clearly, and as a result develop tremendous power.

Mortose wrote: That brings me here., to myself and what I want. That’s about it. It’s just about me and as I said, I’m sure I’ll help others along the way but it isn’t my focus. I want for me, not anyone else, not anything else. I’m selfish and that’s something I accept about myself.

Do you accept that? Am I allowed to stay here? Is it even practical?

You continue to hang on to labels. You are using "selfish" as a taboo word, when you really mean "self-interest". Try that last one on for size, it is neutral, and will result in less cognitive dissonance. There is no sin in being self-interested (I would propose it is a sin to not be self-interested enough!). Self-interest devolves into selfishness (the destructive kind your language implies) when you fail to acknowledge the ripple of cause and effect attached to your actions. Mindful self-interest, needs to be empathic (and at least somewhat considerate of others) in order to be sustainable.

You'll do fine here. As you continue to explore yourself, we will all benefit from the account, so carry on, oh playful one.

Thank you for that awesome advice and the welcome.

Mortose? You do pop up in the strangest of places. Nice to see you. It seems you have few friends here, but you have a friend in me. Most cant understand the trials and tribulations of each life that chooses deep introspection and what it brings, but I know your journey because I have chosen similar suffering. Clear skies to you.

VixensVengeance wrote: Mortose? You do pop up in the strangest of places. Nice to see you. It seems you have few friends here, but you have a friend in me. Most cant understand the trials and tribulations of each life that chooses deep introspection and what it brings, but I know your journey because I have chosen similar suffering. Clear skies to you.

Thank you very much, VV.