My Absence

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16 May 2021 15:56 #360192 by Jedi_J
My Absence was created by Jedi_J
I don't know if this is the proper place for this, but I'm at my metaphorical straw. I'm having a really rough time right now and could seriously use some support.

So my fiancé and I have been together for over a year and a half. Since the beginning, her parents loved me and considered me one of their own. They were super excited to have me join the family earlier this year but now I’m sure that they do not want my fiancé and I to get married. The 13th of April, I lost my job due to some nepotism. About a week or so after I had lost my job, I was fortunate enough to find another at an oil lube place. It was all well until I sprained my knee when I slipped and lost my job again. Keep in mind my fiancé is 7 months pregnant and the stress is horrible on her. I've been doing odd jobs for people in my area just to pay the bills. My fiancé and I are both suffering from anxiety due to them threatening me physical harm and threatening to have my daughter taken away. All the while claiming I'm not the child's father and I'm not allowed to be in the delivery room or sign the birth certificate. I've been trying to be a supportive fiancé, but in this situation is there really anything to be done. Since then I have started the process of getting restraining orders and I've started taking other legal action. My fiancé's grandmother told me I was a horrible lazy person because I can't keep a job or be able to work the 16 hours a day 7 days a week she thinks I should work. I had a back injury in high school and since then I've struggled to walk and get out of bed, then while working at the Oil Lube place I sprained my knee and the doctor thinks I have Rheumatoid Arthritis. I don't like drama and try to avoid it as much as possible. I say nothing to her family and avoid them as much as possible. Her other grandmother has actually been paying me to come do some jobs around her house so I can pay bills, and she's super supportive. This has brought me so much anxiety and stress and I am just so scared to get married now. I have literally lost almost 10 pound because of this stressful situation. I want to marry my fiancé more than anything in the world but I’m not sure that it is a good idea to marry into a family that hates me and makes me feel like this. The whole situation has opened my eyes and made me realize that my future in-laws freak out if you don’t go along with everything they say and do. They want to basically have their children and family wrapped around their fingers and do whatever they want. I cannot live my life agreeing and doing everything my in-laws want me to. I’m to the point where I don’t want to have any relationship with my future in-laws at all. I have been as mature as possible and have tried to mend things but it is not working at all. I’m just wondering if getting married is even worth it. This family is so close knit and I feel like I’m just ruining everything. I don’t want my fiancé to have to cut his family out because of me. I just don’t know what to do.

Any advice? Anything would be greatly appreciated.

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16 May 2021 16:14 #360193 by Rosalyn J
Replied by Rosalyn J on topic My Absence
Hi Jedi J

Wow! Seems like there is a lot going on right now. Thank you for sharing with us.
I want to commend you for doing your best in a bad situation. We can never do more than that.


The best advice I can give is to seek professional counseling not only for you, but also for you as well as your fiance, and maybe even your extended family...if they are up to it.

Even just having a space to get all of the "stuff" out can be useful.

The Doctrine (I have found) is also a good balm and compass.
And if you need a listening ear, please don't hesitate to contact me

Pax Per Ministerium
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17 May 2021 11:48 #360214 by River
Replied by River on topic My Absence
I don't really have any ideas I'm afraid, except that very open communication with your fiance seems like it would be good to have. Perhaps counseling could help with that.

Mostly I just wanted to say, I hear you.

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17 May 2021 18:18 #360240 by Jedi_J
Replied by Jedi_J on topic My Absence
Update.

About an hour or so ago, my fiancé received a package at her grandmother's house. (The one that's causing all my problems) Since my fiancé doesn't drive I reluctantly drove her over there. Her fence fell last night due to a pretty severe storm. I had already fixed this fence once but I was blamed for not "fixing it when I was asked". Back then I was working 14 hour shifts that were 2 weeks on days and 2 weeks on nights. I was always pretty exhausted, So when I had a day off I drove over there fixed the fence with what resources I had and returned home. Well now that the fence fell in a different spot, she's acting like it's my fault. I'm trying to be the mature one although I don't know how much longer I can keep the abuse up. For two days now I have had mental break downs that have lasted a couple hours a piece. I've talked to my fiancé about it and she wants me to cut all contact with them and she'll have very limited contact. I'm still talking with a legal team about my option because I have messages and voicemails of them threatening me harm and threatening my fiancé to make her miscarry. I know drama probably isn't something that people appreciate on here, but I know the Temple is a supportive place and I need somewhere to vent.

Thank you all for the support.
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17 May 2021 18:58 #360244 by River
Replied by River on topic My Absence
Since your fiance is ok with you having no contact, what's your hesitation in doing just that?

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17 May 2021 23:12 - 17 May 2021 23:15 #360253 by Jedi_J
Replied by Jedi_J on topic My Absence
I don't talk to them I actively try to avoid them. They go out of their way to find ways to interact with me. Even without contact they will send me letters bad mouthing me, they call my fiancé making accusations about me. It's legit tiresome and as soon as I find a way to leave the state I'm going to get as far away as possible so they don't know where I'm at or how to contact me.
I feel that's my only option at this point.

On a positive note, talking about this and "airing out my dirty laundry" has made me feel much better. I find solace in the Temple and my studies.
Last edit: 17 May 2021 23:15 by Jedi_J. Reason: Add to the Post
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22 Aug 2021 06:39 #362207 by WoodfordJedi
Replied by WoodfordJedi on topic My Absence
For what its worth:
Ive noticed a reoccurring pattern in my life. I Think it must be common to the human experience between its been formalized as an age old adage.

"Everything happens for a reason"

But in my experience the phrase is incomplete, it should also read " But the Happening and the Reason often dont arrive at the same time"

The happening hits first, and the reason takes its own sweet time to reveal itself.

But i think it will come, that moment when you go "ahhhh, im where i am today because o f that event, and where i am today is good", if it hadn't been for that event i would not be where i am now, and where i am now is where i should be.

Its sometimes expressed as that which doesnt kill you makes you stronger. It seems to be a common thread in human existence.

Hang in there. With focus, and Will you can navigate yourself to a better place. And when you get there, and you will. The adage will pop into your mind and it will all click together

Never Confuse Silence for Acquiescence . The wise man senses the Bantha Poodoo on the path ahead and does not tread in it

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22 Aug 2021 21:39 #362232 by WoodfordJedi
Replied by WoodfordJedi on topic My Absence
It also occurred to me last night.
The change in the parents attitude, my just be Covid madness.

Ive noticed the world seems to have gone a little crazy lately, with lockdowns and Fear.

It may simply be they are externalizing their own stress. And you are simply the target.

The fault then would be theirs, not yours.

Ive been married 35 years, my wife is one of 12 children

Ive learned the only opinion you need concern yourself with, is that of your partners

Never Confuse Silence for Acquiescence . The wise man senses the Bantha Poodoo on the path ahead and does not tread in it

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22 Aug 2021 21:58 #362235 by Arisaig
Replied by Arisaig on topic My Absence

WoodfordJedi wrote: It also occurred to me last night.
The change in the parents attitude, my just be Covid madness.

Ive noticed the world seems to have gone a little crazy lately, with lockdowns and Fear.

It may simply be they are externalizing their own stress. And you are simply the target.

The fault then would be theirs, not yours.

Ive been married 35 years, my wife is one of 12 children

Ive learned the only opinion you need concern yourself with, is that of your partners


I'm not certain what this has to do with this thread?

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22 Aug 2021 22:02 - 22 Aug 2021 22:10 #362236 by WoodfordJedi
Replied by WoodfordJedi on topic My Absence
The OP wrote

So my fiancé and I have been together for over a year and a half. Since the beginning, her parents loved me and considered me one of their own. They were super excited to have me join the family earlier this year but now I’m sure that they do not want my fiancé and I to get married.


Could you be more specific as to your perception my reply is offtopic ?

Actually im less sure of what your reply has to do with this thread than mine

I'm having a really rough time right now and could seriously use some support.


All i did was try and give some support.... im not seeing any of that in your reply

Never Confuse Silence for Acquiescence . The wise man senses the Bantha Poodoo on the path ahead and does not tread in it
Last edit: 22 Aug 2021 22:10 by WoodfordJedi.

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