Calming the Mind

I think that a Jedi should be able to act calmly in all manner of situations and no matter how their day has gone, both inwardly and outwardly.

For the most part I can act outwardly calm usually, but sometimes my inward calm and serenity are just not there. Like this morning, I haven't been sleeping well. (Outside sources waking me up and I am a terribly light sleeper) My mind was agitated from the get go. I worked out, try to do my normal daily stuff, but nothing quieted my mind today. I couldn't even sit down to mediate.

So I was just wondering what type of techniques you all use to help maintain that mental calm? Especially when you are agitated or have had a bad day?

Hopefully a good night's sleep will help for tomorrow.

Thank you ahead to time for your suggestions.

Good evening, Figment

You've raised one of those topics that is ultimately the bane of every student's life: we're taught that part of the Jedi path is learning to maintain our inner calm at all times, but also to listen to our feelings, and not suppress or ignore them. Feelings are a strong intuition that can come from many different sources, so this is only appropriate, but the two often seem contradictory. For reference, that's not the case, but I'm laying out the point anyway. I hope you don't mind, but I'd like to offer some background on the idea, if that's alright with you?

The idea of inner calm refers to what I call the 'default state of mind' for a Jedi: in essence, when the mind is not being affected by an emotion on some level, the mind should be calm and clear. That's not a natural state for most of us - it's something we have to learn and develop over time, whether through meditative exercises, or through simple self-awareness. Initial Jedi training often focuses, then, on developing an understanding of the self. On an emotional level, we look at the psychology of our emotions: what triggers them, how strongly they can be provoked, what consequences these have for us. I've always looked at emotion as a process:

Emotion provoked internally through an external stimuli > Energy is produced as a result > a reaction/response is made.

Put more simply:

Emotional Sensation > Emotional Energy > Emotional Response

Imagine someone upsetting you, and you get angry. Initially you feel that internal burst of anger, purely a feeling, uncontrolled, not something you've summoned, but something that just *is*. This produces psychological energy: you might feel empowered through anger, weighed down by sadness, buoyed up with happiness, and so on. We all recognise this: sometimes it's the sense of being unable to do anything and at others, at other times, that empowering sense of being able to do anything at all. It's a split second of sensation, but it can be recognised, particularly if you're mindfully looking for it. From there, we follow up with a response: you might punch someone in the nose, growl at them, stamp your feet, glare, walk away, or offer no overt outward reaction (which is a reaction!).

It's in these latter two stages that calm can be engendered as a chosen response. Some reactions are automatic, because we don't understand ourselves well enough to stop them: only with time and mindful awareness are we able to make a conscious choice about that reaction. We need to understand why we were provoked (what the stimuli was), why that particular emotion (why anger over sadness, for example?) and recognise how we want to react. Remember, stimuli-response is based on fight-or-flight. Sometimes we want to run, sometimes we want to hit something. Knowing how we'll respond gives us the power to condition that response through conscious choice. When we're aware that we're feeling emotional, we can step back, take a deep breath and enforce a feeling of calm upon ourselves. Meditations teach us this: to alter our consciousness and become calm, either simply by breathing, envisioning something that calms you, by recognising the futility of allowing emotion to overwhelm you. That split second pause allows us to evaluate, analyse, make a decision that takes emotion into account, but isn't a consequence of emotion: it's a choice.

Now, how to find your calm again? I can do it by taking a slow, deep breath, but I've had a decade to practice, and more often than not, the tempestuous emotions that used to bother me often don't - I've learned not to allow things to niggle at me, because ultimately it's a waste of energy, particularly when there's nothing I can do about it anyway. It's what we teach children when faced with bullies: don't give them the reaction they want. With difficult circumstances, getting flustered, frustrated or engaging in self-doubting behaviour achieves nothing other than to rattle you and make you incapable of coping with the situation quickly and decisively. You need to find your calm centre. And, honestly, that is for you to find out for yourself.

It's gonna sound odd, but I have a few things I do:

- I listen to a piece of music. My particular favourite is a song called "Breathe" by Alexi Murdoch. It's odd, but it calms me right down when I listen to it.

- Oftentimes, I close my eyes and take a meditative deep breath: inhale for three seconds, envisioning yourself drawing your tension together as you draw in your breath. Coalesce that tension into a solid ball while holding that breath for several seconds. Then exhale, for a further three, letting your tension release as you let go of the breath. Once is enough for me, but do it as many times as you need to.

- Have a cup of tea! Find a type that you like, and brew it properly. Focus on every little movement: from pouring the water into the cup to making sure the colour is just right, to stirring it, to getting the temperature perfect. Mindful activities are oddly soothing: anything that holds your focus and requires you to pay full attention to it will naturally calm you, because you can't devote your thoughts to insecurity, worry, or any other emotional concerns. Run, walk, make tea, paint, write, draw, clean. Whatever works.

- Find something that provokes a positive feeling: watch a bit of stand-up comedy. Listen to a piece of music that makes you momentarily sad. Get angry. Part of our psychological make-up dictates that when an emotion is provoked, it needs to be expressed (the energy I mentioned earlier has to go somewhere!). If you're stressed, provoke a different emotion. When you express it (laughing, crying, punching a pillow), your tension will go with it. You'll feel better, and thus more easily able to return to a state of calm.

Anyway, I'm done for now. Hope that's helpful, but if not, do say so and I'll elaborate some more (as if I hadn't rambled on for too long anyway!). Get some rest, Figment! Be well

Regards,

Aslyn

Yea I like music too, but not the stuff with words so much as they can feed the negative view a little... more something with an interesting pattern of beats/bass or landscape of instruments/sounds - to distract my mind and try and create positive states of mind as a self therapy to heal the emotional imbalance, speaking of which....

.... there is something in psychology called negativity bias , its how negative emotions seem so much stronger then positive ones, and tend to hang around longer. It would seem to occur as an evolved capacity to being able to quickly respond to danger, but in the modern world it tends to feed off lifestyle stressors which do not require so much attention. The idea being that understanding why they exist stops over critical self analysis and spiralling into patterns of related anxiety.

An interesting thing in contrast is positivity offset which is that we tend toward experiencing things as positive events rather then negative ones.... being our baseline is positive, generally speaking, but because of the negativity bias we tend not to relate or connect to those positive feelings - losing them as background noise and only noticing the peaks of negativity bias. So in theory it would be important to try and listen and cultivate positive feelings and emotions.

So if we can learn to listen to our positive emotions more acutely, while also understanding that the negative ones steal attention away, then we could reduce the negativity bias and use the positivity offset to create a better frame of mind.

Understanding what is going on tends to help me manage it - where fixation on a negative event is more a relic of neural architecture and less some failure on my part in self control. I've noticed that things like stress and accidents tend to occur in clusters - probably because of the reduced capacity from the distraction caused by negativity bias!!

To move forward, a simple step (in light of the above) is to focus more deliberately on the small win's rather then the cluster of losses.

A subsequent phase is when you really might notice your gut or heart are still feeling bad while you head is thinking better from your efforts... it can be tricky sometimes because the visceral involvement of stronger feelings and emotions means it can be a physical as well as mental distraction... but I think that is a good sign of progress if it become the dominant negative state as a result of calming the mind, so I'd say keep it up in those circumstances, as those visceral emotional effects are from the subconscious IMO and will need longer positivity balancing to get back to normality. Good luck!!!!

Thank you both for your responses. They are definitely food for thought and I will be trying some of the suggestions especially when it comes do dealing with certain people that I have to deal with on a regular basis. Some of the ideas I do already practice. As a big music lover, I have a wide variety of different pieces I can listen to...from metal to classical.

As for today, I am feeling better. I got a decent sleep last night and got in a little run this morning. (Exercise keeps me balanced more than anything else, I find.) Hopefully I'll get a chance to meditate before I have to go to work.

I do like the idea of a more mindful practice. I am a very aware person, so I do know when and usually why I am feeling a certain way...even if I can't always control it.

The negativity bias and the positivity onset is another area in which I need to focus on. Negative thought patterns, memories and emotions tend to usually be in the fore front. Trying to switch my mind to focus on positive thoughts and emotions, even small ones, is going to take some practice for me...and some patience.

Thank you both again. I really do appreciate it.

i think that whats been said here already is fantastic
the only thing i can think of that is important to add;
it has occurred to me very recently that i have wasted a lot of emotional energy
and have subjected myself to SO MUCH UNNECESSARY PAIN
because of the assumption that if i became a certain type of person
then i would be treated in a certain type of way by certain other people

like if i am strong people will respect me
if i am smart people will listen to me
if i am kind people will enjoy me
if i am attractive people will desire me

if i am _; then people will _

what i have realized is that this HAS truth, but it is not really THE truth

more importantly i have realized that my self worth - if it must be measured
can be measured in a much more sophisticated and empowering fashion
by having personal standards or expectations of how i treat myself

and from there
of how i treat other people

rather than demanding or expecting others to treat me in any particular way
i have begun to set expectations for myself of how i should treat them
how i should treat everybody

beginning with myself

with the understanding that i am rewiring a lifetime of thinking backwards on this topic
i am gentle and forgiving with myself
and i aim to be gentle and forgiving with others
even though i fall short at times on both counts

im finding that the adjustment in thinking is a daily adventure!

also it is absolutely mandatory to strive for excellence
even when you dont reach it - the striving for excellence IS the excellence!

and to be dedicated to something personally meaningful
the more of my time i spend chasing after the goals and expectations that other people have of me
the more i feel that my life is pointless
so i decide for myself what it is important for me to know and what it is important for me to do
and i find time every day to pursue these things

this is getting to the heart of what it means to have "a good life"

imo many people stay at the level of an OK life
as a result of thinking and dreaming in OK proportions
which is absolutely OK!

the advice i like to give

THINK IN EPIC PROPORTIONS AND DREAM REALLY REALLY BIG DREAMS!!!

it is ALWAYS a success to aim for the stars
even if you only reach the clouds

and if there is any real shame in life
it is that a falcon would to choose to walk
because it is afraid that it may somehow fall

Thank you OB1. I agree with you whole heartedly and was thinking of almost the exact same thing today.

Dwelling on the problems that other people have put on us...such as, you should think this way, you should have this opinion, you should look this way, act this way, etc. doesn't solve anything. It only gives those (mostly negative) people and their ideals YOUR energy and power. When I rather use that energy and power for more positive and constructing things.

Something you wrote really struck me though. The ability to be gentle and forgiving to yourself. I am much more forgiving and gentle with others than with myself. I am my harshest critic (for the most part). I don't even know where to begin to be able to change that and part of me doesn't want to change that because it keeps me striving to be better. Perhaps I can find a way to be less harsh while still striving for improvement. Something to meditate upon.

Figment wrote: I think that a Jedi should be able to act calmly in all manner of situations and no matter how their day has gone, both inwardly and outwardly.

For the most part I can act outwardly calm usually, but sometimes my inward calm and serenity are just not there. Like this morning, I haven't been sleeping well. (Outside sources waking me up and I am a terribly light sleeper) My mind was agitated from the get go. I worked out, try to do my normal daily stuff, but nothing quieted my mind today. I couldn't even sit down to mediate.

So I was just wondering what type of techniques you all use to help maintain that mental calm? Especially when you are agitated or have had a bad day?

Hopefully a good night's sleep will help for tomorrow.

Thank you ahead to time for your suggestions.

As you already meditate, you're already doing what I would call the single most positive self-improvement technique there is. You say you couldn't even sit down and meditate - I can relate to that. I have days when I find it hard to sit. Ultimately, it's essential that you do so anyway, except when you're physically incapable of doing so (due to illness, for example). Meditation doesn't lead to inner calm very quickly. It did almost nothing for me in the beginning. I still kept doing it every day. The funny thing is: over time, I did get a lot quieter. I find it much easier to distance myself from things. You're asking: what can you do to calm down when you're agitated or had a bad day. There are lots of things, autogenic training or progressive muscle relaxation etc. Ultimately, these only fight the symptoms, however. Meditation, and this has become my deep conviction, fights the root cause. Agitation and really bad days tend to become less and less frequent with diligent practice and your question doesn't need to be asked anymore.

to figment;
i have come to understand that being focused on achieving excellence does not require being harsh towards myself. actually harshness towards the self is an impediment. heres some links that will give you a good start to getting some new perspective on the topic if you are interested.
thanks for reading and for responding


http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/06/27/5-strategies-for-self-compassion/

http://www.wellbeingalignment.com/self-compassion.html

http://www.self-compassion.org/test-your-self-compassion-level.html

the breath.
I use breathing to pass and release the emotional intensity.

"stop and reset"
I do my best to stop myself and then to reset so I can reprogram my neural pathways.

taking a time out.
If needed I step away from the encounter so the adrenalin can subside and hormones can balance back out.

In my case it depends on how quick I become aware, in a moment of honesty I still struggle to be aware of myself all the time. I start by realizing I am not present in the eternal now usually I find it is the worrying that makes me leave my mindfulness and presence.

Once I am aware I start with breathing (outlined by the barefoot doctor in the library) if I catch it early. If I do not catch it I use grounding techniques. I have pasted some examples at the bottom if you are not familiar with this approach.

The last tool I use is not in the moment but more systemic. I do daily medication and since I have started I find that really helps me to remain present.


Grounding is a very helpful technique if you find yourself sometimes losing touch with the present moment.
Grounding teaches you to stop losing touch with the present moment by concentrating and focusing on the present or by directing your attention to something else.

Some Examples of Grounding
Touch objects around you, and describe them (texture, color). For example, “I’m sitting on a red chair, and the fabric is really soft; it’s velvet. The carpet is beige, and there is a red couch in the corner.”

Run water over your hands, and describe aloud how it feels.

Name all the different types of animals you can think of (e.g., zebra, cat, dog, cow, etc…), or types of flowers, cities in B.C., etc…

Say the alphabet backwards

Calm breathing and progressive muscle relaxation can you help to reduce some of the anxious and tense feelings in your body.