The Secret LIfe of Cell phones

What do you think about the idea that people can have secret lives via their cell phones.

With Txting and other app on a phone, people can have private and secret lives that no one knows about, including partners.

How do partners deal with this possibility? Is it possible to retain some privacy and be transparent too?

When I think about this age of technology and the lack of transparency, I wonder about all the secret relationships that are forming.

This is not "paranoia". I was with a partner that had many "private" conversations with other people. And when this came out, it was one of the reasons we separated.

What do you think?

I think it's tough. As far as partners lying to you, I've been lied to before so I can sometimes be over paranoid (or in that case spot on). I think, as much as it's a cliche, it comes down to trust.

With my girlfriend we both have secrets, especially around the holidays. We have seperate accounts and credit cards and we don't generally share passwords and things largely so that we can still surprise each other. If she saw my credit card statment or could access my email she'd never be surprised by anything I try to do for her.

We both have friends the other doesn't know or know very well. We both have friends that the other doesn't like or even trust. But we trust each other and ourselves. The last part is, IMO, the most important. "Paranoia" is infrequently actual distrust in the other person, it's insecurity about yourself. If you find yourself getting worried about something you have to ask yourself why.

I've been lied to and cheated on, for a while that caused issues with me trusting other women, but eventually I realized that what I was really worried about was that I wasn't good enough for them. And if that's the case then forget about them, I deserved better than that.

If you wanted this to be more about technology and it's ability to help keep secrets, well we can talk about that too.

There were ways it happened before cell phones...


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I like distinguishing between "secrets" and "surprises".
A surprise is something I am holding "secret" for now and I plan on telling you. I will tell you soon.
A secret is something I will not tell you, or I will deny for as long as I can.

I love surprises. I dislike "secrets".

Thank you Jester for your honest sharing. I get it.
boundaries are so helpful. discretion is important. It seems like so many people have forgotten how to set respectful boundaries. So many of these issues could be resolves with simple agreements and "contracts" with each other. I feel the more we talk to each other about these subjects the better.


Also, how did you make it so the post is only for members?

I think it's all about trust. Weither it's a phone, someone at work or at the store. If people arn't going to be faithfull the medium/place isn't the issue

I do find viritual relationships to be awkward though.

baru wrote:
Also, how did you make it so the post is only for members?

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I will do my best to remember that.

I also find online relationships awkward. I know that they should be able to work, but so for I do not know of any that have worked for long, personally.

Trust is huge. Trust is so important. Is trust silent or is it voiced? How is trust achieved when people seem to be "doing their own thing".

baru wrote: Trust is huge. Trust is so important. Is trust silent or is it voiced? How is trust achieved when people seem to be "doing their own thing".

Trust, at least my trust, is earned slowly and through example. You say you'll do something and you do it. If that happens consistantly over a period of time then I can trust you. If you don't then I can't.

There are different levels of trust too. I can't trust that my best friend will be on time. I can trust that if I tell him a secret he wont tell anyone. I can trust my dad with just about anything and everything, except with being on time. (I know a lot of people who fit in the 'never on time' category. lol)

My trusts are usually silent. I never really have the "these are the things I can trust you with" conversation. There are a few times where it is necessary, but I generally find that if a trust has to be voiced that it is being tested. If it's all good then I don't need to talk about it. My best friend will drop everything to help me, he doesn't need to say it, I don't need to ask. My girlfriend will never cheat on me and then lie about it (if she ever did cheat she'd feel too guilty to hide it), also unspoken.

It's different for different people and different trusts. Sorry that I don't have a more definite answer for you.