Exploring and Understanding Acceptance

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9 years 5 months ago #164964 by Proteus
What is acceptance in your eyes as a Jedi?

Does this usually mean "approval", or does it mean "apathy" to you? Or something else?

Currently, what comes to mind for me, when I hear somebody (in a discussion around here for example) throw in the word "acceptance", is simply "letting one's self move past a tendency or desire to get personally hung up on something". If somebody came to my house and killed my family for example, it is for certain that I will not be happy or approving of that in any remote manner. But I can come to accept that what is done is done, outside of my control. Once I have come to that settlement within myself, I can then take necessary action or response toward it.

What are your thoughts about acceptance?

“For it is easy to criticize and break down the spirit of others, but to know yourself takes a lifetime.”
― Bruce Lee

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9 years 5 months ago #164972 by

Proteus wrote: "letting one's self move past a tendency or desire to get personally hung up on something"


That looks like a good working definition to me.

Here are some selected extracts on an article I wrote about Tolerance entitled: "Beyond Tolerance":

...A Jedi should be striving for Acceptance. Acceptance is very similar to tolerance with one crucial difference, when one “accepts” something they do so without the dislike or the disdain. This can be achieved through empathetic understanding, and learning not to automatically consider the “other” as hostile.

A careful note must be made on the nature of the “acceptance” I am speaking of; acceptance must not be mistaken for resignation or apathy in this context. Acceptance is not simply saying “Oh well that’s just the way things are, I accept the situation”, the acceptance I speak of is very much about actively engaging with your environment by searching for connections that bring us closer together rather than farther apart. Similarly “acceptance” should not be mistaken for “agreement”; one does not have to agree with something to understand or study that something. Acceptance is not going to automatically fix every disagreement between parties, but what it is going to do is allow those parties to better empathise with each other rather than simply thinking that the “other” is “wrong” plain and simple. Thinking that they are just “wrong” is definitely not going to help fix disagreements between parties!

The human reaction is to focus on the differences between things, but acceptance requires the opposite, acceptance requires a focus on the similarities between things. If we learn to focus on the things we have in common rather than fixate on the things that are different and undesirable then our mind will begin letting go of the negativity of whatever it was we disagree with and we will feel less resentment.

Acceptance asks the same questions as Tolerance “Why aren’t they the same as me?”, “Why are they doing things differently than me?”, “Why don’t they want to do things the way I do them?” but acceptance recognises each person as an equal individual on Joseph Campbell’s “Hero’s Journey”. We are all individuals just trying to find our way in life. If someone else belongs to a different religion than you, prescribes to a different philosophy than you, or behaves different then you, acceptance requires that we do not simply dismiss these differences as somehow being hostile or offensive, you do not scoff at the person thinking that they cannot see the “superiority” of your position.

...[tolerance is a type of control] Acceptance on the other hand is not a type of control; acceptance is a type of meditation, a conscious state of deep mental empathetic awareness about the similarities and connections between each of us. If we are all One within the Force then understanding that which we share will bring us closer to this realisation and all the compassionate wisdom this entails.

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9 years 5 months ago #165150 by Adder
I think it's the acknowledgement of something existing in reference to something, particularly useful in terms of responsibility where boundaries exist to delineate areas of responsibility and things might be passed across that boundary. With feelings and emotions this boundary might be the landscape of ones beliefs or how one views their social identity amongst their peers for example.

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9 years 5 months ago #165170 by
I think its mostly about respect of the other person, their views and decisions. We may not agree with everything another does, nor should we be forced to. However what it is, is to have respect towards theother for deciding their path. Surely you would not want to be persicuted for your views and decisions to how beat lead your life.

DISCLAIMER
I do not mean decisions and choices that people make that physical harms a person, property, or well being. Or any other law.

(Hopes this does not cause someone to derail this thread into a debate on what laws should be implemented concerning what, and if a person should have the right to do so. IE: Debate on gayarriage, or polygamy for example.

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9 years 5 months ago #165253 by
Acceptance to me is a tough word to discribe. I do not think it emplys approval. Doesn't the word itself emply (even if very minimal) level of tolorance?
For us to accept something we would have to on some level tolorate a little. I don't see tolarance as bad as long as it is in conjuction with acceptance. I am having a difficult time expressing what I am thinking at the moment. IN the same instance there is some apathy as well. I am not speaking of high levels of either but I feel they both would have to be present in accepting something you do not agree with.
I understand I am not Jedi Level in my line of thinking and I still have a lot to learn, These are just my current way of thinking.
~J

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9 years 5 months ago #165279 by
Acceptance means nothing on its own. It can only be applied when there is a reference point. So, I can only speak to it in a context.

Lets talk about a context, then. I just recently found out I might be gay. After another failed relationship, I keep finding myself coming back to the same conclusion: maybe I like men, not women. And, I can't just jump on the bandwagon, I have to look at the evidence.

1. Ok, Dr. Wilson on House is really cute... OMG.

I guess that's all one needs really. It's abrupt, but I can picture that in many different scenarios. I can see my attraction towards men in many of my male friends I find attractive.

But, there is a problem: Why would I spend so much time denying something that is so clear?

Easy! Because I've been taught to be straight. I've been taught to have a wife, two kids, a nice house. This is what I was taught to want. But, for as long as I can remember, I have had internal conflict about it. I have always felt "something" wrong about being in a relationship with a woman. And, I've had 3 serious relationships (I'm only 21, that's pretty good for my age!).

Why, oh WHY would it take so long to accept this?

ALL of my friends would tell me they think I'm gay, and I ignore them. My last girlfriend told me repeatedly that she thought I liked men, but I denied it. Even my mother has been asking me since I was 13-14 if I was gay.

I have been assaulted by repeated evidence of my homosexuality, but because it was uncomfortable... Sometimes, I think we refuse the truth because it isn't as neat and tidy as we'd like it to be.

Homosexuality comes with a lot of problems (then again, so does being Straight, yeah?) that are unique to the situation. There are stigmas, there are legal problems, there are ___. It's neverending. Some of my family might hate me. Thankfully, my parents are supportive if I decide to tell them.

But, then again, for as long as I can remember, ever since I started becoming sexual, my life has become more bland.. More gray. Less interesting and more formulaic.

It became easy to become a shell sexually and just move through the motions. Find a woman, let her hurt me and soothe me... and that's it. But, my long-term girlfriends eventually saw through the ruse. They accused me of not loving them, no matter how much I thought I was... I was so un-selfaware that I didn't know what was happening.

Acceptance is tough because denying it is safe, sometimes. You can try the whole ignorance is bliss thing... but, all you're doing is dying while you're alive, as Mark Twain would say.

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