bullied

I was always a big kid when I was little but I was never bullied like this... My father always told me to just walk away if I ever ran into trouble, and that's usually what I did. There was this one girl i played with however (this was when I was like, 6) who was a little older than me. One day some of the guys were teasing her, and me (they were about 10). I walked up to their leader and punched him so hard in the stomach that he fell over and cried, that ended the teasing, and about a year later when the girl moved away I actually ended up becoming friends with the guys.

The way I've learned to see conflict is like this - Always walk away if it's an option, never instigate a fight, but if you are ever attacked respond with dedication and subdue your enemy with whatever means are at your disposal. As my mother told me when I was little "If you are ever in a fight where your life is in danger, take your enemy down and make sure he doesn't get back up."

So throughout my life whenever there's been a conflict, whoever is instigating it first has had to push me to my absolute max. They have to really work to try and get me into a position where they can fight me; then I warn them and if they persist... then I take them apart. Once most bullies realize that you are unwilling to fight them, not because of fear of what they might do to you, but because of what you fear you might do to them, their perspective changes very, Very quickly.

My experience with bullying growing up was an odd one, for a few years there I cultivated an image which kept people guessing. While I never committed violence even once growing up outside my jujutsu dojo (even that was in friendly cooperation so we could learn), the sense that I might was something I didn't make an effort to dissuade potential bullies from believing. That illusion vanished shortly after high-school began when I made friends I could be myself with and the somewhat silly, bubbly, oddly serious person I am showed a bit more. I had to run from a group of bullies twice. Then it stopped. I didn't find out till I graduated that a group of five of my friends had made it a point of keeping me safe those four years and refused to tell me because they knew I'd make them stop. I love those boys to death for it because after the first two times, I'm certain I'd not have lived through it had I been caught. I am a bit upset with one of them because he got sent to detention and Saturday school at least a half-dozen times "protecting me".

Greetings,

What follows may or may not be accepted as a whole. In either case, I believe in what follows whole heartedly, and it is with good intentions and benevolence towards the bullied that drives the heart of my post.

If you are being bullied, I would highly recommend taking a martial art that has full contact fighting such as Boxing, MMA, Judo, or San Da. The reason why I recommend this is because it is fear of physical conflict combined with a lack of assertiveness that causes one to be bullied by others.

I do not believe that martial arts that do not have sparring are of any help to people who are being bullied. I'm not saying that the instruction has to be completely "hardcore" or anything like that. The key is to start out light and gradually increase the contact that is involved so that the person learns to detach from pain as well as remain calm under the duress of attack.

Combined with this type of instruction, it is important to learn social skills. Are you making yourself into a target with poor social skills? Also, if you are the kind of person who likes to be different, remember that some comeuppance is to be expected and you should be prepared to stand up for yourself.

Most of the time merely standing up for yourself is enough to deter any would be bully. The confidence that is gained from doing something like boxing or judo will free the mind from worrying about the consequences of standing up for yourself. The willingness to go into conflict to protect yourself will ironically prevent the conflict in the first place.

There are deeper psychic reasons behind why people get picked on and bullied. If you fear physical conflict, this information will pattern it upon the very core of your being and in turn effect your Qi (or whatever you want to call it) and you will put out an aura that says "Kick Me".

If you go into martial arts for being bullied, I must stress again that non-contact training will do you know good. When you have practiced the contact oriented martial art for quite some time and are able to handle the bully in question, then you can safely go into the non-contact martial arts. No joke, you would be better off doing boxing than aikido under those circumstances. Note, I do like aikido, but this type of art is designed for people who are already used to physical conflict and would therefore be able to apply the techniques due to the state of calm that is achieved through fighting under actual duress for a period of time.

Warm Regards,
Varius

hmmmm...

well i have been bullied when i was younger,but around 13,14 years of age I kinda built a wall.

Its all about a,at least for me,"apearing"confident.When i walk down the halls my soulders are squared and i look ahead not at the ground.

Im not very confident but i look it and others ask "why are you so brave" ...."your not afraid of anything"ect
i am afraid

I didnt notice this until one day in the hall way a friend of mine said "jezz vanessa you walk like your ready to beat someone up" i didnt believe him lol.I asked others and they agreed.They said i look angry.Im not I just tend to think alot hence thinking face lol.

Girl last year was spreading rumors that I was a lesbian and that i was a b**ch.I didnt care if people thought i was,I cared she didnt have the cojones to confront me and tell me what she thought of me.So I confronted her calmly and alone,and asked her to tell me what she felt she needed to.She didnt say anything lol.It stoped after that.

Another time while playing badmitin the other team was convinced they had won.....they had not.I said we go one more umm round?volly?...and one of the girls exploded.I went to the teacher and asked for assistence.The girl proceded to come over and yell at both me and the teacher.

So i said fine what ever,walked away..it was just a game.In the lockeroom she started calling me a b**ch and a loser.She said how she has anger management problems and how she would beat me up.I stood there,looked at her,and smiled the whole time.I found it so amusing how angry she was.

I told her she needed a chill pill and began asking the other girls if they had any.she went on and on yelling.I kept calm and used light humor to make everyone laugh and show this girl how childish she was acting.I was like "somebody needs a happy meal and a timeout".

she ended up moving and my problem was solved lol.

in the end I dont think i would be good in a fight but sometimes useing your brain is better then anything.Im not confident but other precive me so and that all you need.like me the bully uses his body and talk to look like topdog when they are probably very insecure.Use it.Not in a mean way,but confront them it will probably throw them off.

Hope this helped.
I did this on my Ipad sorry for mistakes lol.

has anyone realized how old this thread is lol
guy has not been on since 2010 :woohoo:

Lycaenion wrote: has anyone realized how old this thread is lol
guy has not been on since 2010 :woohoo:

True but with any luck someone else in a similar situation will read this thread and find some advice

Goes with any thread we make really

It depends. On one hand, if you decide to fight there will be consequences. The only question is are you willing to accept full responsibility and any possible punishment for it? If not, then don't do it.

However, if you are willing, and after repeated tries to get justice through the school, and after trying to negotiate with the said bully, then I say fight him. First, because if the Administration will not stop this and if the said bully won't, then you have done everything you are honor bound to do. My suggestion is to immediately go for the throat; choke him out, if you have to or at least take the fight out of him by temporary interrupting the flow of oxygen to his lungs.

I might be a little late, but here's my advice about whether or not you do fight:

Hit em hard, hit em fast, hit em when he doesn't see it coming, and don't stop until you get pulled off.

If you do resort to such a climactic ending and assistance from parents and teachers doesn't stop it, then you absolutely have to win in order to stop it. Fight dirty, fight hard, and send the message that you won't put up with anybody's problems or they will end up in the same boat. I was bullied all through elementary school, and when you send a message that powerful, people respect that.

By the time high school rolled around, nobody messed with me... I was pretty much accepted anywhere I wanted to be, and I had the privilege of picking and choosing my battles. But always take the issue to the official channels first. They will at least have had their chance to stop it, and if it escalates then you will have a defense in front of the teachers and parents when it ends

E-3_4L_Teeter wrote: I might be a little late, but here's my advice about whether or not you do fight:

Wow, man. As late as you may be, you were right on. Seriously

I live in the "bible belt", and I was a strong atheist in a small town super religious public school.

I was beaten, had my property destroyed or stolen, urinated on etc. The administration was indifferent. There is only so much a person can take before they snap, and go totally psychotic.

So I started lifting weights, and eventually when confronted I went into an absolute blood thirsty psychotic rage, even a group of them couldn't stop me. I literally wanted to drink their blood, not figuratively, not metaphorically. I became an animal that not even a group of them could restrain.

That is exactly what it took to make it stop.

I learned an important lesson.

Si vis pacem, para bellum

"If you wish for peace, prepare for war"

The strong are the least likely to be attacked.

I KNOW the feeling Maynoth...

I was always bullied in elementary school and middle school. I was different and had a unique way of thinking, so I was an obvious target. My father was no help and would always comment on how weak I was being and that if I was letting it happen then obviously I deserved it. But I got bigger and lifted weights a lot more then I got myself some good friends who would have my back nomatter what. By high school, nobody bothered me and it all slipped to memory. I ignored it an had friends with me all the way. I don't know if that helps but that's my story.

I had two attempts on me by bullies during elementary and middle school. The first one was stopped by my own interaction, the second was more interesting.

The first one was a cocky kid in elementary school when I was in 6th grade. He tried to bully me and his first attempt with me was met with a brawling fight in the school yard. He never bothered me after that.

The second one was in middle school. At that time I was trying to be a good Christian (Mormon), i.e. turn the other cheek as Jesus taught. So this bully was bothering me in the classroom. The most frustrating thing I experienced during this bullying is that I knew I could have kicked the crap out of him if I wanted to, but I was trying to implement Jesus' turn the other cheek philosophy (which can be debated on its own merits).

Finally, one day, I had had enough and I was going to fight back in class and stop this, because my turning the other cheek was not encouraging this kid to back down (big surprise). During the lunch hour I saw this bully actually being ganged up on by several of the "gang" members at the school. He looked very frightened and they were throwing little rocks at him and smacking him on the head, etc. At first I was like "Yes! Serves him right the punk!" But then I started to feel bad for him because this "gang" of kids was not letting up on him.

Eventually a security guard broke it up and that was the end of it. The kid never attempted to bully me in class again. I never had to lift a finger, but at the same time, I had to endure some pain in the mean time.

I'm NOT saying that is the best way to deal with bullies, far from it. I just thought it was interesting how that one played out...

One can find a bible quote to fit just about any situation. True, Jesus said turn the other cheek, but he also said, "He that does not have a sword, sell his cloak and buy one." Then later he said, "He that lives by the sword shall die by it." - didn't you just tell me to get a sword?
I too have suffered at the hands of bullies and I'd love to think that karma or god or SOMETHING would "get even" with them. Unfortunately that was not usually the case. "God helps those who help themselves", right? And yet, "violence begets violence."
After more than 4 decades on this contradictory trip I've come to learn something: It all comes out in the wash. Sometimes adversity is placed in our path as a test of our strength or determination - "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." Sometimes we're not seeing the whole picture - your bully was himself a victim of bullying, as is often the case. Sometimes life is just unfair. When we dwell on the negative we give it power. My bullies have gone on with their lives just as I have: Some have suffered (some by my own hand) and some have not. It's hard when happening, but "This too shall pass."

Peace and love

Aladdin

Yes, I realize that now (as a 31 year old) that the Bible is full of internal inconsistencies. But my 12 year old mind was not aware of the myriad of issues when I was trying to put that specific teaching of Jesus into practice.

And I do see wisdom in that teaching, but not universally. It can only be applied in a vacuum in certain cirumstances (at least the way I would teach it to someone).

I don't believe that God helps those that help themselves. (But that is a subject for another thread).

"This too shall pass"

Completely agree with that!

Power does seem to corrupt some people, even if its only the tiniest perception of power!!! I was psychologically bullied in the workplace, but I let it happen so I guess it was not too bad. I didn't mind that they were finding the power to express themselves, despite they were making themselves look foolish to others (and not to mention opening avenues of litigation for me!).

It had long been a time for me to move on so I took it as part of the Universe telling me that very thing. By letting it go as I did it hopefully reached a point of ludicrousness that he himself realized the absurdity of what he was doing and changed his behaviour before someone less forgiving became his victim.

Now a big problem with bullies is the people who support them, and what I did was in a way support him indirectly by allowing it to continue, but as the only victim at that time I justified it as acceptable. In this particular case I still think he was too weak to be a real threat to others, but I hope I didnt show him that surrounding himself with weakness was a valid excuse to feel empowerment by bullying them. I now think it should be confronted and stopped in all circumstances as it seems fundamentally destructive.

The whole subject of bullying is a bit sticky - it's not a simple, black-and-white issue. I stand by my earlier post: To focus on the negative is to give it power. I can only speak from my personal experiences - and from my personal experience I know that ignoring it is akin to condoning it. I was followed (and sometimes chased) home by groups of children who found it absolutely hilarious that they could say and do whatever they wanted and I would just keep on walking. What I eventually discovered was if I stood my ground and punched the one with the loudest voice square in the mouth the others were quick to leave me be - even if my initiation of a physical confrontation resulted in my ass getting kicked. I suppose they may have respected the fact that I had reached my limit - what is probably closer to the truth is they didn't want to get punched in the mouth themselves.
I believe we have to stand up for ourselves and our beliefs, but we also have to pick our battles. Many say we have a moral obligation to right a wrong whenever possible - “All it takes for evil to succeed is for a few good men to do nothing...” (Edmund Burke). Just to cloud this murky issue further, Edmund Burke also said, “He that wrestles with us strengthens our nerves and sharpens our skill. Our antagonist is our helper.” - or better yet, “No power so effectually robs the mind of all its powers of acting and reasoning as fear.” (Also Edmund Burke - Thank you Goodreads.com)
I think what I'm trying to say is most bullies are trying to establish power and dominance over those they are bullying - It's the weak preying on the weaker in an effort to feel a sense of worth. There are far too many extenuating circumstances to give one cure-all remedy. I think many times the bully is simply starved for attention - by giving them the attention they crave they continue with the bullying; we reinforce their negative behavior. And yet, as Vincent Vega (Pulp Fiction, 1994) so eloquently put it, "...it's f--kin' dangerous to have a race car in the f--kin' red." - a person can only be pushed so far.
I hope that was sufficiently confusing for you.


Peace and Love

Aladdin Sane